If a Woman is not Beautiful, It’s Her Own Fault


I’m not a woman and probably don’t know what goes on in a body of a woman who doesn’t feel beautiful enough. I’m not a woman—again and might not understand why a woman should travel that long mile of cut, shave, curl and clip just so she might appear beautiful in the eyes of a beholder. You dare not come in a way of a woman who wants to be alluring so that the world would bow under her feet.

That woman has time to look in the mirror and assess every detail of the makeup and dress to assure herself that she’s perfect and looking like her standard (so to say) of how a woman should appear. Being beautiful is an art she craves and a process she dreams of perfecting.

I’ve come to hear a lot of stuff being said about beauty– a woman’s beauty. I’ve heard them say beauty is sold in cans and plastics at the store. I’ve come to hear beauty comes in a particular shape and color. I’ve seen women breaking every muscle and calorie at the gym and yoga class just so they can conform to the standardized shape and color of what beauty there is.

Beauty Tools
Beauty Tools

If you are a woman today and you are not beautiful, is it not your fault?

Yesterday I saw an online post that reads; “10 Beauty Tools EVERY Woman Should Have”. I carefully went through all the tools and what is used for one after the other. Then I said, even beauty comes with its own tools.

How did we get here? How and when did we get to the point where someone has to dictate to us what beauty means and what tool goes as far as being beautiful is concerned? Who gave them the permission to set the beauty rules and impose it on us?

We’ve been conned! We’ve been sold a beauty concept that is far and wide away from what we ought to believe to be beautiful. The world of cosmetology has set a standard of beauty that women have to reach if they actually want to be known as beautiful. This bar is usually so high that we need to spend our money ( a lot of it), energy and time to reach it.

And if we dare not reach it, we turn onto ourselves and question our self-worth; How can I be beautiful when my nose is this big? How can I be beautiful when I don’t fit in a slim-fit jeans? How can they say I’m beautiful when I don’t look like that woman I saw in the beauty magazine?

You are not a mass product. You are meant to be unique. How can you claim uniqueness when you look like someone on TV? How can you be different when you simply are a second-hand version of Kim Kardashian? How do you stand out when you want to look the same as someone else?

One of my favorite story about beauty has it that; a certain woman took a picture of herself and sent it to different photo editors with the inscription “Make me beautiful”. Some days later, the photo editors sent back their work to the woman. Guess what, the woman looked very different in each of the photos the editors sent.

How Come? Because beauty means different things to different people. Beauty doesn’t cross borders. Beauty is very local. To the Kayan people of Burma, the long neck is all there is to beauty. The Suri tribe in Ethiopia sees beauty in how large one’s lip is. So at puberty, lip plates are implanted in the lips of girls to look more enchanting. Even the number of cows a father will receive as a bride-price depends on how large the daughter’s lip plate is.

You are not a mass product

Beauty is what we believe it is. It doesn’t need to be imposed. It shouldn’t necessarily come from dying on the gym floor. How can a woman learn this? How can she learn to treasure what she has and make it a trademark of uniqueness instead of working to alter what she deems as a flaw?

A woman should learn that someone’s beauty is not the absence of hers. The struggle to catch up always stems from the fact that a woman sees what is beautiful in another and all of a sudden developed inferiority complex for what she’s endowed with. We all can be beautiful in our different ways. There is no one way to be beautiful. There are several ways.

You don’t feel beautiful enough? It is your own fault! Your big nose is not inferior to the slimmer pointed one. Being a plus size doesn’t make you less of a beautiful woman. Since when did one feature on your skin becomes the single definition of what beauty is?

Self-worth is everything there is to beauty. The day you become the master of your own self-worth and learn not to rely on other people’s validation of how beautiful or otherwise you are, that is the day you’ll experience the true beauty. Pencils and blush brush will do little to elevate your self-worth. You blink unnecessarily when you use the lash curler. Trust me, self-worth won’t cause you a blink.

You’re perfectly fine the way you are and how you feel about the way you are is valid. Don’t make the opinions of others make you feel less beautiful than how you feel on the inside. Use the mirrors. use it as a confirmation of how enchanting you feel in your own skin. Not to compare yourself with another.

Ladies smiling
Self-worth is everything

When you pose in front of the camera, I know some of the photos don’t come out right. Many times they don’t come out as you expected them to be. That’s because you were posing. You were trying hard to be beautiful for the camera.

READ ALSO: This Is Why You Buy What You Buy Even When You Don’t Need IT

Now, do you remember how awesome you were in that photo someone took of you unaware? That was you in all awesomeness. You didn’t try it. You didn’t rehearse it. You were simply you in that flash of a moment. You are beautiful when you are not trying.

You are beautiful just the way you are–when you are not trying to be someone else.


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  1. We worry ourselves so much as ladies…Lol.
    I don’t think I’ll ever get tired reading your articles, thanks!

    • I’m smiling..I won’t get tired writing for you too. Thanks for being my constant reader.

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