One morning, you’ll wake up and check your phone and see a wedding invitation from your friend and go like; ow sh*t that can’t happen! It’s not that you’re disappointed a friend of yours is getting married. The fact is, this friend and yourself are the only ones left in your circle that are not married. Now, here is their invitation staring right in your face.
What it means now is, you’re the only one left among your circle who’s not married. It’s a lonely feeling. However strong you’re, sometimes the situation gets to you. It makes you question a lot of things about yourself. Especially when time is catching up with you.
It’s even worse when you’re always called upon to be the bridesmaid or the best man, due to your over 5 years’ experience in handling that position excellently on every Saturday of the week. Then someday, you go through your closet and find all the colors of the rainbow and more. Every color reminds you of whose wedding that color was chosen.
It’s never a good feeling but there’s always something you can do when you find yourself single whiles they are all getting married;
#1. Genuinely, be happy for them
They are your friends. It’s their happy moment. You can’t be anything else apart from joining in to share and revel in their moment of bliss.
This is not the time to sulk or let your being single gets the best of you. There’s always someone who’s going to be the last to marry among a group of friends. It happened to be you this time. It doesn’t mean the world is over. It means it’s not your turn just yet.
Congratulate them. Be available to help them prepare for the occasion. Take active part all the way. Make the occasion your own. After all, what’s your friend’s is also yours. Don’t give them the chance to believe you are jealous of them getting married ahead of you. Keep your grace and shine.
#2. Start questioning your priorities
Is marriage the first thing on your list of things? If it is, what in your honest assessment is delaying the process? Have you set your expectations so high that people who come your way hardly meet? Do you have anger issues? What feedback are you getting from ex-partners as the reason they can’t go on with you?
Whatever the answer, don’t feel pressured to get married by all means. Be patient and move along with the changing times. Focus on self-improvement and work on your self-worth.
If marriage is not your priority, then concentrate on what is it that you are doing. If it’s your desire to build a strong career, own a business or be self-sufficient before you walk the aisle, then keep your head up and work towards achieving those dreams.
It’s better whoever comes along finds you ready. Don’t you ever make a hasty decision to be with someone just because all your friends are getting married. Maintain your standard. It’s better you find someone who ticks the box than to be with someone you’ll regret in the near future.
Choose to work on your priorities. Improve on your self-esteem and self-worth. These two will carry you all the way to the end.
#3. Embrace your singlehood
It’s very ok to be single. It doesn’t mean no one wants to be with you. It only means you’re taking your time to separate the good from the bad. It’s also a sign of independence–that you can take care of yourself and be with yourself and be just fine. Being single shouldn’t be an emotional shackle.
Like many other things, marriage is overrated. It’s not the ultimate measure of how happy one’s life is or will be. There are challenges in marriage just as there are in being single. Happy-ever-after is not only meant for married couples. There’s a happy-ever-after also in being single.
Be happy in your singlehood. You’re going to miss it when you’re finally married. Explore life. Experiment. Travel. Take a bus that’s going nowhere and write about the experience. Just enjoy the aura of freedom you wake up to each morning and be grateful for life once more. Someone somewhere is dying to be single—alas
#4. Prepare your answer for that annoying question
Whether you like it or not, that ultimate annoying question is going to pop up over and over again. Friends will ask. Parents will ask. Colleagues are going to ask. You would wish it never comes up but you don’t control what others can or cannot say.
So why don’t you prepare a scripted answer for all those who will ever ask; “When are you getting married?”
Don’t be angry when it comes up now and then. People intentionally ask to test the level of your frustration. Genuinely they are not interested in your answer. They are trying to remind you it’s about time you got married too. If you answer angrily, you’ve served them well.
Be calm and as graceful as you can be, answer them; “I will marry when I have a piece of the sun in my pocket.” If this answer is too cocky, find your own.
#5. Start making new friends
When your friends marry, they’ll begin to relate to you less and less until ties are finally severed sometimes. Some marriage counselors usually tell will-be couples to change friends immediately they marry. It’s sad but true. They are told to relate more with people who are also married. You are single. They’ll have to do without you eventually.
Don’t wait till they give you the “I’m busy with my spouse” crap. Expect it. Work your way into finding new friends who will share your interest and urge you on. It’s better you find new friends who are also single. That way, you’re sure you’ll have someone who’s available as much as you. Not someone who will call off plans at the last minute because the spouse wanted them around.
You deserve unconditional happiness and love from friends, your singlehood notwithstanding. Don’t let your married friends turn you into a loner. Go out there. Find yourself some new friends. It’s a social media age we live. It’s easier to find friends than before.
#6. Sign off from social media, if you can’t handle the jealousy
Somedays when you log on to your social media accounts, all you see are wedding pictures of different people. Many of them. It’s as though the whole world attended a wedding feast and left you uninvited.
Then the honeymoon photos follow with the usual saucy hashtags. Then minutes later, relationship statuses are changed from “Single” to “Married to something-something”. The hysteria of comments and likes that are showered on such photos are enough to make you question your existence.
Then all you could do is look at your relationship status on Facebook and see how miserable the “Single” there looks. It’s a bad day to be single.
If you can’t afford the sight and comments on such photos, log off from all social media. Grab some popcorn and watch the movie “Single and Proud”. No one has the right to murder your emotions with their wedding photos.
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