What Teaches you a Lesson; Pain or Joy?


A friend of mine wrote on Facebook:

Some people aren’t meant to be in our lives forever. Some are just passing through to teach us a lesson”

My Response:

In the end, Everybody is not meant to be in our lives forever. People die. Some will just have to stay longer than others. Those who pass through teach us a lesson or more. Those who stay long enough also bring their lessons. Either way, we learn.

All my life I’ve never seen or heard a happy person say “it’s a lesson” in times when they are happy. It’s only sad people. People going through some kind of pain. People who are facing the ugly side of life always have this to say; “I’ve learned my lesson” or “it’s a lesson well learned”.

The purpose of our being alive is to learn from whatever situation life throws at us. We are trapped. We can’t just leave. Ow yeah, some people commit suicide to have an early escape from the traps of life. But you and I, with the burden of our conscience and faith, believe we have to live till our bodies give up. That means, we have no escape.

When given the power to choose between life and death, we always will choose life. That’s why we wake up every day even when our bodies can’t stand the pain. When people in our lives have given up on us and left us in a lurch, we still rise and live life for another day. To live or to die, we choose life. So do we have a choice to learn or not to learn?


We owe it unto ourselves to learn every day. People in our lives don’t come with a warning; “I’m going to be passing through your life this quick, so learn the lesson I bring”. It is us who choose to call what people bring as a lesson or not. My only surprise is, why do we always choose to learn from pain than to learn from the happy situations that come around all the time?

People are full of drama. Look around you, a lot of things are happening right now, at this moment where you are. Everyone’s life is an opportunity to learn something new. In the end, it is left for us to decide which one is worth our attention and which one deserves to be a lesson. Everyone, Including the beggar you tossed a coin to have lessons to teach. Their lives, if well studied, come with a lot of things we can learn from.

But the thing is, we are only ready to learn through pain! From Pain! People who leave our lives quicker, earlier and faster usually leave footprints of pains on our path. We loved them so much we wanted to have them around for a long while. But they left! They left with all our joys that we invested in them. Now we are hollow. We are empty. There’s a vacuum screaming to be filled. We look in and out and all we see is the pain left by those who leave us.

Then our mind is clicked to take the situation as a lesson because it’s painful and we don’t want to go through such pain again. So we turn to lean our learning ears to those who cause us pain.

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But here is the magic we lose, all the while that we are concentrating on the lessons of pain left by those who left our lives; there’s a lesson in the joy of love. There is a lesson in joy. There is a lesson at the center of gratitude. There is a lesson in friendship. There is a lesson in knowing someone new. There is a lesson in every breath you take. There is a lesson. Everyday.

Why do we choose to see the lessons only when we are pained?


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  1. Hi Nesta,

    This write-up of yours actually made me think over what you said. Why only pain teaches us lesson? Why not every moment?
    I personally would not say that only pain has taught me things. Even the times of joy, times of frustration have made me think over life. But mostly, it still is the pain that teaches us a lesson. Maybe we have become so used to it, and it is little difficult to change one’s habit.
    A contemplating read! 🙂

    • I’m very glad for your contribution. I’m also particularly happy to know you learn in joy. Happy people make the world a better place.
      Good to have you read.

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