Probably, you don’t like your ex that much. That’s understandable. Most people don’t like theirs either. They left your life when you needed them the most. They lied to you. They wasted a lot of your precious years making you believe you were the one they were going to end up with. Then, when you least expected it, they either leave your life or give you enough reasons to walk away from theirs. It’s bad. But there are some positives we could pick from any unfortunate events.
Here are the positives.
Be grateful you had an ex for the following reasons
#1. You know what you don’t like in a man
He broke you to pieces. But he’s the reason you know what you don’t like in a man. Probably you had a perfect fantasy about how a good man should be like. You had it all figured out before you said yes to his proposal. Then during the relationship, you realized the things you thought might work for your good wasn’t really what you needed. He was like the laboratory within which you experimented what a perfect relationship or something close to perfection should look like. The experiment is over. Now you know what works for you.
#2. You know how strong you are
You told yourself you couldn’t live without him. He gave you love and made you fall so deep for him. Life without him looked like something you couldn’t bear. It looked lie something you can’t go through all alone. Now the relationship is over. You have no option than to live without him. It was painful at first. But you soldiered on. Days turned to weeks. Weeks turned to month. You’ve done it. You went through it all without him. Now you know you can be stronger if you have to. Now you know how strong you are and how strong you can be if all you had to be was to be strong.
#3. You know you can’t always be right
Yes, you can’t always be right. Sometimes when you’re going through good patches and friends give you pointers on why they think what you’re going through isn’t good for you, you doubt them. You tell them they are wrong. You even ask them to watch you while you prove them wrong. Friends probably told you he wasn’t good for you. But you were so in love nothing could change your mind. You were right. They were wrong. Now that it’s over, you’ve learned your lessons. You’ve learned you too can be wrong. You too can be wrong about love.
#4. He thought you a lesson that will be useful for your next relationship.
She said to me; “I don’t think this will ever happen to me again in my next relationship. This guy has taught me not to mingle love with finances. My next guy will get not even a penny from me.” That’s her lesson. Among other things, she’s learned to deal with care when it comes to love and money. She could only learn this through an ex. Even an ex teaches you good lessons.
#5. You learn to know the pain of loving too much.
Love isn’t pain. Love is love and pain is pain. The two are different. When you love a man deeply and he leaves you when you needed him the most, it breaks your heart. You’re hurt because someone you love didn’t keep his promise. The pain that comes from loving too much usually happens and grooms your heart to be strong. The next disappointment in love wouldn’t hurt so much like the first. You’ve been there before. You already know how it hurts. So this time, there are no surprises. It’s just pain as usual.
#6. You learn the essence of communication in a relationship.
Now that the relationship is over, you can stand outside of it and assess what worked and what didn’t. You can do this without conflict of interest because you’re no more invested in the relationship. Taking a reflection, you realize you saw the signs but didn’t see the need to talk to him about it. Love makes us mellow sometimes and when we are in the ditch of love, we hardly see what’s happening at the top. So we say love is blind. When you’re in the ditch, you’re blinded to the things happening at the top.
You tell yourself, “I should have asked him. I should have told him how his behavior made me feel.” Communication deficiencies in a relationship is the ultimate cause of death to the relationship. You learn you should have communicated. In the next love story, you’ll communicate. And things will be fine
#7. You know how being loved right feels like
Of course, you’ll know. Your ex was everything you thought you needed from the beginning. He loved you right from hello until things changed. You felt the true arms of love from the beginning when things were right. So you know. You know how being loved right feels like. Next time when the rhythms change, you’ll know without being told.
#8. You know what you like in a man.
You know what you don’t like in a man because your ex showed you. And you know what you like in a man also because your ex showed you. Before you said yes to his date proposal, he might have done or shown some behavior that made you think he was the one. In the beginning, he was the man. Those good things you found in him. The beautiful things that made you fall for him are what you like in a man.
#9. He’s the reason for your next happy relationship
You might be in a beautiful relationship now or someday, like you believe, the right person will come along and make everything alright. The ‘right’ person could only come along when the ‘wrong’ one is gone. If you are in a beautiful relationship, it’s because your ex left and gave you the chance to experience something different. Something you could love. Be grateful he left so you could use all the lessons you learned from him to land into a beautiful relationship
#10 He taught you the early signs of a breakup
Nothing breaks without giving signals. Before it falls, the signs were clear that it was going to fall. You didn’t pay attention. Or you might have read the signs wrongly. When one is in love, usually better judgments are clouded by emotions. We get the signs. we see the signals but we take it to mean something different. Then it crumbles right in front of our eyes, then we say “I should have known it.” Your ex has already given you the “I should have known it” signals. Now, you know the signs before it falls courtesy your ex.
#11. They changed you
By the time your ex leaves you, you wouldn’t be the same person as you were when you were with him. For better or for worse, something about you is not going to remain the same. Something is shifted within you and you know your life isn’t going to be as it used to be. At least, the way you view matters of the heart and issues about a relationship isn’t going to be the same. You are a changed person. And your ex did that to you.
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