A smile is not for me. There are so many reasons I don’t have to smile. The world is wrong. So many things are wrong. I can’t look straight into the wrongs of society and still afford a smile. That will make me look mean. People will see me and question my sanity; You dare smile when so much is wrong? I can’t smile even when I want to. Who do I smile to? The person next to me who hasn’t gotten a job after three years of graduation? Damn no!
If you see me with a smile, there is a story only my finger tells.
I went to work one day with a heart of gratitude. Nothing happened the night before. I was just grateful for being me. I had this bold grin on my face that says I’m feeling good. I would go to everybody’s desk and shake their hands still wearing this smile. Good morning, I will say with a smile. They would give me this quizzical expression. They were surprised I could smile when the month has been over for a week but our salary hasn’t been paid.
They didn’t get the story. I was telling them something. They were too drown in their questions to hear what I was saying.
When you share tears in a shower, who sees it? What if you smile? I have a friend who is a writer. Very proficient one of course. I read his works and want to be like him. Sometimes I want to sound like him. He told me; You don’t need my voice. You need to speak in your own voice. I dropped his voice and kept with the horrible mine.
He’d written a lot of beautiful pieces but no one reads them. Sometimes he gives up. He wrote a book recently. He hadn’t had the courage to share. He is scared no one will read it. He’s scared people will compliment the cover of the book and frown on the content. He didn’t want to die of embarrassment so he shelved it.
I look at him each day and I smile
Now, let me introduce you to Helen. She was jilted recently. of course I was the one she ran to. Just like she does everytime the hammer of a broken relationship strikes. She doesn’t take situations like this lightly. She gives her all in love and at least expects people to reciprocate. Every one of them had a reason to say it’s over.
She’s successful in the things she does except in relationships– Relationship with a fellow human being. She’s successful when she tries to be kind to people. She fails when she tries to get little kindness from people she’s in a relationship with.
She’s successful in her job because she provides solutions each day. She’s successful in friendship too. She’s been my friend for God knows how long. The only time we fought was when she told me I’m better at friendship than writing so I should give up. She won that fight. She didn’t win the battles of her relationships
Last time she asked me; why is it always them that find a reason to say it’s over? Why Ain’t people ready to work around problems but feels comfortable to quit on me? I had no answers to those questions. Obviously, I’m not ‘people’.
I smiled and kept smiling
You see, It’s too much of a work to smile when you are walking through the shadows of death. You might not fear evil but you can’t smile.
One night, I heard a knock on my door. It was very faint. The next knock came like a thunder accompanied by a loud screaming of my name. I woke up suddenly from sleep. It was almost 12am. That voice was my next door neighbors. He needed help. Her girlfriend was choked on something and had collapsed! She was dying. The guy was helpless and couldn’t think straight. All he could do was scream the lady’s name and press her chest.
Later neighbors woke up. Helped took the lady to the hospital. The next morning she was discharged. Life was back to beautiful again. We sat together the next night. All we could do was laugh and made fun of a situation just a night before we were dying about.
As I’m here recounting what happened that night, I’m still smiling.
When everything around you is falling apart, just slow down. This is not the time to make decisions. This is not the time to rush into solving the problems of your life. This is the time to sit back, relax and smile. Rest.
Beauty usually arises from calm.
You were made out of a calm interaction between two lovers in a moment. That moment of calm when one lied on top of the other, you resulted. Tell me you’re not beautiful.
We usually get scared when the egg cracks. Sometimes our attitude towards the cracks makes us lose more of our eggs through cracks. Little do we know that it is out of these cracks that life happens.
There is something I tell myself through little insidious smiles. I have worries sometimes. I try to communicate with them when they arise.
If you see me with a smile, I’m giving the problems of my life the middle finger!
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