An ex-girlfriend once asked; “why do you guys always want to come back when you realize we’ve moved on without you and doing great? Is it some kind of wizardry?”
She had a point. I didn’t mind her when she wanted me to stay. Even some months later she called to check up on me. She wanted to know if I’d changed my mind. I was cold to her. Then I hung up the phone. So why this time–this time that she’s happily in love with another man that I will reappear and try to win her over again?
I didn’t have an answer to her question. But the truth is, not all the guys who leave your lives will come back. Some do for various reasons. But others move on and never look back. So those who come back, what makes them have a change of mind?
#1. He Has Regretted
Men are people too and people make mistakes. After all the fun with friends and having the freedom to date other people, he realizes he made a mistake of letting you go. He realizes there is something about you he didn’t pay particular attention to whiles he was with you. Now he’s not getting that. So all he could do is pick up the phone and say hi.
He’s now coming back as a new person with regrets of letting you go. Probably things will change for the better this time around. If you think you still love him, why don’t you give him a second chance? Second chances work—sometimes.
#2. He hasn’t found anyone better than you
What you don’t have is beautiful until you have it. That’s how come your friend’s girlfriend looks hot than what you have. When he was with you, he probably might have focused on all the things that were not right with you. Forgetting to enjoy the good things you bring. He thought leaving you will lead him on to find someone who has everything that you lack presently.
When he left. He found someone with what you lack. Then later, he realizes that that someone doesn’t have the good things you had. He begins to miss all those things you brought that made him happy. He then realizes he’d better be with you than to lose those beautiful things you brought into his life. Now he’s back on your Facebook page liking all the photos you post, even the ones you posted when he was with you.
#3. He misses you
Even the devil is missed once in a while. No matter how badly a relationship ends, there are times you could look back to and miss things that happened. The little things that made you feel special have a way of flashing back to your memories. Now his girlfriend is gone. He feels so free to go wherever he wants to go without having someone asking him where he is or where he’s been.
Then very soon, that freedom also start to bore him. He’s left alone in the house with no one to talk to or someone to get crazy with. He knows his girlfriend would have been there if everything was good. Then he starts to miss her. He begins to miss her company so much so that he picks up his phone, check her WhatsApp profile picture and go like; “Hey, you look so good, what have you been eaten since I’ve been gone?”
#4. It’s sexually beneficial for him
It’s not easy for guys to get sex. Well, some get it easy sometimes but generally, it’s not easy for a guy to find a lady today and tomorrow gets sex from her. In the African setting where sex is the real deal, men really have to work for it. Even if a lady says yes to your proposal today, the chance is, you might get her into bed after several tries. And even when you finally get sex, it’s that kind of cold casual sex where you only get to just spill. Nothing special.
This is enough to get a man frustrated especially when he was getting it daily from you and all of a sudden he had to struggle to get a cold not-so-good-sex from someone. That will make him consider coming back to you. The decision to come back to you becomes easier if you are the type he calls “great in bed”. He misses great sex and he thinks you are the way to a very great exciting sex.
Sometimes men decide to come back when they realize they can get sex from you without any commitment. For instance, you’re already in a stable relationship and not ready to quit. They come around with the good memories of the past times when they were with you, to create the environment where you’ll feel inadequate with the one you are with. Be careful when an ex is ready to have sex with you even though you’re with someone else and they don’t seem to care.
#5. He has a better life now
Maybe he wasn’t the one who left you. Maybe you left him because there was a behavior you tried to get him to change and he didn’t. Then you got frustrated and left him. Guys don’t like to change just because his girlfriend wants him to. It’s not easy changing a boyfriend. He feels he’s the man. He should be in control, not you. So you left him because he was unwilling to change that character you despise so much.
After some months or years, he’s been able to become the person you wanted him to be. He’d quit drinking like you wanted him to. He’d found himself a job like you always nagged him to get. He’s no more friends with that one friend of his you despised so much. Is it wrong to come over and show you the better person he’d become? That’s what you wanted all this while, so he’s bringing you a gift of a new self. You better not say no!
#6. Friends Factor
A friend of mine once met a lady I was once going out with. When he saw me he said; “Nesta I met Gertrude today. Boy, he’s looking awesome. I nearly couldn’t make her out. You should have seen how sexy she looks in that dress she was wearing. She even asked of you.” When my friend went away, I picked up my phone and checked if I still had her number. I did! That was the beginning of operation “GGB” (Get Gertrude Back).
Friends sometimes remind guys how stupid they are to let a good girl go. Especially when the lady in question is the kind who went along very well with the friends of her boyfriend. Guys listen to their friends very much even more than they listen to their girlfriends. So when friends begin to remind them to go back to the lady he left, it sometimes works. The guy might even seek the help of his friends to send a word of apology on his behalf.
#7. He is so sure you’ll take him back
At some point, guys develop the believe that no matter what happens, his ex-girl will take him back. That is when the guy has developed the mentality base on how many times he’d left and had been accepted back by the same girl. It also has to do with how much the guy believes he’s loved by his ex.
He’ll leave you for some time and pops up somewhere in your life with flimsy excuses as to why he left. If you accept him back, you validate his perception about you and he’ll keep going and coming back as and when it pleases his ego. Second chance is allowed. Third chance can be looked at critically before a decision is taken. But 4th, 5th, 6th and so on chances?
Nobody needs a third chance to right a wrong. If he’s really into you and have you in his plans, the first chance is enough. At worse, a second chance can be given to try to work things out. Don’t give a guy more than a second chance. It’s not worth your time and it’s not worth it to be with a guy who never grows up.
Guys who usually find their way back to their ex-girlfriends are mostly the ones that didn’t have a worse breakup. Sometimes they were broken apart by a distance that came in between them. So suddenly when they find themselves closer again to each other, they find the urge to try again.
I broke up with Gertrude because she didn’t walk fast enough. We’ll be walking side by side on campus and by the time I turn back, she will be about 20meters behind me. I always have to break my strides and wait for some minutes before she gets to where I am. I thought she was slow. One day, we left a restaurant together and I never stopped walking. I walked fast and wide away from the relationship and that was the end of it.
When we finally met about a year later, I made it known to her that I want her back. She asked; Do you fart vanilla? I said No. She asked; Do you pee honey? I answered no. She asked again; what’s your poop made of, diamond or gold? I said none of the above. Then she said; “Tell me, why then should I take you back?
I answered; “I’ve learned to walk slower so we could walk side by side from now on. I did that for you. Please don’t let me down.”
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