I once loved a girl. I thought of her. I dreamt of her. I went to school early so I could have a chance to talk to her. I thought she loved me too. She always laughed when we were talking. She loved my jokes.
One day I gathered the courage to propose to her. I thought very deeply about the lines I was going use to tell her. I plan my reactions toward her response; If she said yes, I was going to jump up to the sky and scream “Yes! I won.” Then I would tell her how I was going to make her life better.
I rehearsed how to react if she said yes to my proposal. I was so sure I was going to win.
I couldn’t bring myself to tell her face to face so I put it in a love letter. I poured my heart out. It was the best letter of my life. I ended the letter with; “No one will ever love you this deep, not even your mother.”
I placed the letter on her desk when I got to school. She picked it up and began to read. I couldn’t sit still. I wish I had some vanishing powers. I wanted to disappear.
After reading the letter, she smiled. Looked at my direction and still smiled. I screamed in my head; Yes! she likes me. Then she left her desk and started walking in my direction. “Do you know what love is?” She asked as she walked towards my desk. “Do you know what love is?” she repeated. This time her voice getting louder. Then started beating me with the envelope; “What do you know about love?” I couldn’t say a word. The whole class laughed at me. I was embarrassed.
I didn’t know what love was but I loved. Maybe if she asked me what love wasn’t, I could have at least tried to answer.
Growing up, I still grappled with what love truly means. It seems everyone experiences love differently. What if. Again, what if what we believe love to be isn’t what love truly is?
A friend once told me; “my boyfriend is very jealous. He’s jealous because he loves me.” Jealousy isn’t a sign of love. We mistakenly think people who are jealous in a relationship truly love their partner and are jealous because they don’t want to lose them. Far from it. Jealousy is a sign of low self-esteem than it is about love. Jealousy thrives where self-confidence is low. To say “Jealousy is love” is to try to find an excuse for shortcomings.
When people try to categorize love into ‘conditional’ and ‘unconditional’ it makes me a little bit uncomfortable. I’m yet to meet a person who loves another based on no condition at all. Love is conditional. Yeah, we say true love shouldn’t be based on material or cosmetic reasons. That is understandable but it doesn’t mean love is unconditional.
People will love you because you treat me right. If today you treat them right and tomorrow you start treating them with no respect and dignity, you’ve lost the condition on which they loved you in the first place. That’s why people leave when the attitudes of others they love turn out worse.
Some will say; “I love you for who you are and not for any other reason.” Loving someone for who they are is even a condition. If someday they lose who they are and become worse than you anticipated, you’ll walk away.
Even the love of a mother is conditional. If you make several attempts to take your mother’s life, do you think she’ll still have love for you? Love is conditional. The condition might not be cosmetic, but it’s still a condition anyway.
“Love hurts. Love scars. Love wounds and marks any heart not tough or strong enough to take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain.” That’s the lyrics from the song “Love Hurts” by Nazareth. But does love really hurt?
Not at all. Love is love and hurt is hurt. The two are very different. Wounds, pains, heartbreak are not love. They are called suffering. There are times people we are in love with cause us pain. Their attitude towards us might cause us some hurts but the hurting part is not what love is. It has a name. The name is ‘hurt’ and not love.
If you are in a relationship that gives you a lot of hurt and pain than love, you don’t have to be confused about it. You don’t have to think you are suffering for love. Nope! You are suffering for the sake of suffering and not love. If it hurts, have the courage to walk away. Love shouldn’t hurt you.
“The sex was awesome. He is the only one who has ever made me feel this way. Hmmm, it must be love.” Dear, wake up from your slumber. What you had with him is called sex. Sex is a human need. It’s a drive that isn’t necessarily attached to our emotions like love is. You can have sex today and it’s so bad that you don’t want to even see the other person again.
Sometimes, after getting the gratification you seek out of sex, it suddenly dawns on you that you’ve made a mistake or your curiosity has landed you in the wrong corner. Sex can happen out of curiosity or the need to experiment. Some people give sex just to feel wanted. Love is love. Sex is sex. At some point the two intersect. But in actual sense, the two run parallel to each other.
#5. Profile Picture
This is the new craze. It’s a new yardstick for measuring love or testing the temperature of love between lovers. “He used my picture as his Facebook profile picture. He used the picture he took of me yesterday as his WhatsApp display photo. He must have so much love for me to be able to do that”
When I was dating my wife in school, she used to question me on why the wallpaper on my computer isn’t her photo. She fought me a lot of times about that. I remember she didn’t speak with me for a whole day because of this reason. I’m at a loss why some people see this as a sign of love.
Well, as someone told me, “if you love her, you should not have problems showing her to the world. Her photo showing on your DP is another way of showing her to the world.” The question is, will you be there when he’s answering the question “who’s that on your profile” to friends?
Love is more than you in a profile picture. Love is love.
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